So I'm well into my second Tuesday of fasting. I've decided that I'll go from whenever I finish my dessert snack on Monday (I know--you're not supposed to eat late. I do it anyway.) until breakfast on Wednesday, without taking anything other than water, black coffee, or tea (no honey). This is Day/Week 2.
Last week I realized pretty quickly how much mental energy I spent on "I'm-not-eating-I'm-fasting." Making the sacrifice had the deeply spiritual effect of turning me even more into myself--great. I wasn't that uncomfortable, or unusually hungry, or particularly tired. I didn't even get a headache, which really surprised me. The most noticeable thing was the fact that my strength training that night really, really sucked. But wow, did I spend a lot of time aware of the fact that I was fasting.
Which also made me realize how much energy I actually spend on what I want. (Note I did not say, "what I need.") I was forced to acknowledge that I spend a lot of emotional/spiritual energy on things that are, when you get down to it, expressions of my privilege. Heck, even deciding to fast for 33 hours a week is a mark of privilege--because it's a choice. Which goes a fair way to undercutting any sense of self-righteousness one might be tempted to indulge in. How can you get self-righteous over privilege? (Yeah, I know. Lots of folks are actually pretty good at it.) Millions of people on this earth work really, really hard and still don't get to eat. Famine, drought, war, low wages--there's no real reason why others suffer those realities and I don't.
I don't see this spiritual practice as really addressing those injustices, of course. The bigger picture obviously requires a more corporate solution, and that's a whole 'nother level of confession/offering/practice (not exclusive of this one). But for now, regarding my particular and individual spiritual practice of fasting, what I see before me over these next several weeks is learning to lay down some self-absorption. I'm wondering if, with practice and some mindfulness, I can spend less energy thinking about the fact that I'm fasting/hungry, and be more mindful of what's around me and what I'm doing in spite of unfulfilled personal desires. Actually forget about the fact that I'm fasting and be more mindful of God. (The point seems rather obvious, doesn't it?) I'm thinking I might get better at this with--you know--practice.
